Modern baby shower etiquette is simple: anyone close to the parents can host, including immediate family. Showers typically happen around 28–32 weeks of pregnancy, the hosts cover the costs, and guests spend based on their relationship to the parents. Forget the outdated rules—here is exactly what is acceptable today.
Who hosts a baby shower?
For decades, traditional etiquette dictated that immediate family members should never host a baby shower. The old fear was that a mother or sister throwing a shower looked too much like a direct plea for gifts. Today, that rule is completely obsolete.
Under modern etiquette, anyone close to the parents may host the celebration. According to the Emily Post Institute, this includes immediate family members like a sister, mother, or mother-in-law. The only caveat is that there should be a legitimate reason for family to step in, such as the parents living far from their hometown or a lack of local friends available to take on the planning.
Friends, coworkers, and extended family members are also perfectly positioned to host. Co-hosting is incredibly common and highly recommended. Splitting the duties among two or three friends or family members makes the logistics easier and keeps the financial burden manageable for everyone involved.
When deciding who should take the lead, communication is key. If a best friend and a mother-in-law both want to throw a shower, they can either co-host a single, larger event or throw two separate, smaller showers for different guest lists. Both approaches are entirely acceptable under modern guidelines.
| Who | Okay to host? | Note |
|---|---|---|
| Close friend | Yes | The most traditional and universally accepted host. |
| Sister / relative | Yes | Completely normal and common under modern etiquette. |
| Mom or mother-in-law | Yes | Especially appropriate if parents live far from their hometown. |
| The parents themselves | Gray area | Only to gather/ask for contributions, not to solicit gifts. |
Can the mom or family host?
The shift toward family-hosted showers is one of the biggest changes in modern baby shower etiquette. Lizzie Post of the Emily Post Institute confirms that "truly anyone can host." Families are often the most excited about the new arrival, and it makes logistical sense for them to organize the celebration.
If a grandmother-to-be wants to host her daughter's shower, she should feel entirely comfortable doing so. In fact, a rising trend identified by AARP is the "grandma shower" or "grandbaby shower," which specifically celebrates a new grandmother. While this is a separate event from the primary baby shower, it highlights how involved extended family has become in pre-birth celebrations.
When parents host their own shower, the etiquette becomes slightly more complicated. Throwing a party to celebrate your own growing family is fine, but the traditional expectation of a baby shower is that guests bring gifts. Hosting your own gift-giving event can still rub some traditional guests the wrong way.
If you choose to host your own shower, frame it carefully. Call it a "baby celebration" or a "gathering," and make it clear that your primary goal is to spend time with your community before the baby arrives. If you are handling the planning yourself, consider asking a close friend to handle the RSVP list and registry questions so you have a buffer.
Who pays for a baby shower?
The straightforward rule of baby shower etiquette is that whoever hosts the shower pays for the shower. The host is responsible for the venue, food, drinks, decorations, and invitations. The guests of honor (the expecting parents) should never be asked to open their wallets for their own shower.
Because costs can add up quickly, co-hosting is the best way to manage the budget. When multiple people host, splitting the costs is normal and encouraged. Co-hosts can divide the total bill evenly at the end, or they can divide responsibilities—one person buys the food, another pays for the venue, and a third handles the decorations and favors.
If you are wondering how much a baby shower costs, expect to spend between $150 and $600 in total. According to CostHelper and ParentCalc, a small DIY shower at home for 10–15 guests typically runs $150–$300. A mid-size shower for 15–25 guests at a home or small venue ranges from $300–$600. Large, catered events at professional venues easily exceed $600, often reaching into the thousands.
Food is usually the largest expense. DIY finger foods typically cost $4–$10 per guest, while catered meals range from $15–$25 per guest. To keep things organized and ensure all co-hosts are on the same page regarding the budget, we highly recommend using our free Baby Shower Planner.
When should it be?
Timing a baby shower correctly ensures the expecting mother is comfortable and the parents have enough time to organize the gifts before the baby arrives. Most baby showers are held in the early third trimester, specifically around 28–32 weeks of pregnancy.
According to The Bump, Happiest Baby, and Evite, this 8–10 week window before the due date is the sweet spot. At this stage, the mother usually has a highly visible bump but still possesses the energy to socialize comfortably. Crucially, the risk of going into labor at the party is still very low.
This timeline also leaves the parents plenty of time to sort through the gifts they received. They can then use their registry completion discount to purchase any remaining essentials before the baby arrives. If you are planning an event and need more specific timeline advice, check our full guide on when to have a baby shower.
There are exceptions to the 28–32 week rule. For military families, long-distance guests, or higher-risk pregnancies, holding the shower earlier—around 20–24 weeks—is perfectly acceptable. While you can host a shower at 35–37 weeks, you run a significant risk of the baby arriving before the party.
Who do you invite?
The guest list should be an intimate collection of the parents' closest friends, family members, and colleagues. A typical home shower accommodates 10–25 guests. The golden rule of baby shower etiquette is to only invite people you intend to keep in the baby's life.
Traditionally, baby showers were women-only events. Today, co-ed showers (often called "Jack and Jill" showers) are incredibly popular. These events invite both partners and male guests, turning the shower into a broader celebration of the growing family rather than a traditional women's circle.
When it comes to coworkers, use your best judgment. If you socialize with them outside of the office, they belong on the main guest list. If you only interact at work, it is usually better to let the office organize a separate, smaller workplace shower.
Registry information should never be printed directly on the main invitation. Instead, include it on a separate insert card or provide a link to a shower website. This keeps the focus of the invitation on the celebration rather than the expectation of gifts.
Gifts & money etiquette
Gifts are a central component of a traditional baby shower. Registries are expected and highly appreciated by guests, as they remove the guesswork from shopping. However, cash funds and diaper funds are strictly an option, never a demand.
It is perfectly acceptable to set up a cash fund for a stroller, a doula, or a college account alongside a traditional registry. But demanding cash entry or making monetary gifts mandatory violates basic etiquette. The only exception is a "diaper party" (often a male-focused "dadchelor" party), where the explicit cost of entry is a pack of diapers.
If you are a guest wondering how much to spend on a baby shower gift, the amount depends entirely on your relationship to the parents. According to U.S. News and Pottery Barn Kids, most guests spend between $25 and $100. Close friends and immediate family typically spend $50–$100 or more. Coworkers usually spend $20–$50, while distant acquaintances should aim for $20–$30.
Group gifts are a fantastic way to handle expensive registry items. Five coworkers pooling $30 each can purchase a high-quality car seat or travel system that the parents desperately need, which is far more useful than five separate sets of newborn onesies.
It is also vital to understand that gift etiquette varies wildly across different cultures. In Ashkenazi Jewish tradition, there is a strong cultural reluctance to celebrate or buy gifts before the baby is born. According to ReformJudaism.org, this is rooted in the superstition of ayin hara (the "evil eye"), though it is a cultural custom rather than religious law. Similarly, Vietnamese, Bulgarian, and Chinese traditions often avoid pre-birth gifts entirely, preferring to celebrate after the baby arrives safely.
Second (and third) baby showers — is it OK?
The etiquette around second babies has relaxed significantly over the last decade. Every child deserves to be celebrated, but the nature of the celebration usually changes. Instead of a full-blown baby shower, parents usually have a "sprinkle."
A sprinkle is a scaled-back shower. Because the parents already own the major gear—like cribs, strollers, and high chairs—the gift expectations are much lower. Guests typically bring consumables like diapers, wipes, bath supplies, or a few new outfits. If you are invited to a sprinkle, yes, you are still expected to bring a small gift.
Another excellent option for a second or third child is a "Sip and See." Held after the birth, this event allows friends and family to drop by, meet the new baby, and enjoy light refreshments. It is much less gift-focused than a traditional shower. To explore all your options, read our breakdown of the different types of baby showers.
After the shower: thank-you notes
The final, and perhaps most important, rule of baby shower etiquette falls squarely on the expecting parents: sending thank-you notes. A handwritten thank-you note is still the gold standard and is expected by guests who took the time and money to attend and purchase a gift.
According to The Bump, thank-you notes should ideally be sent within two to three weeks of the shower. However, grace is always extended to heavily pregnant or newly postpartum mothers. Taking up to three months to send out your notes is generally considered acceptable.
To make the process easier, hosts can set up an envelope-addressing station at the shower. Guests write their own addresses on blank envelopes as they arrive, saving the parents hours of hand-cramping work later. When writing the notes, be sure to mention the specific gift the person gave and how you plan to use it.
Navigating baby shower etiquette does not have to be stressful. By focusing on the comfort of the expecting parents, communicating clearly with your co-hosts, and respecting your guests' budgets and cultural backgrounds, you can throw a beautiful, modern celebration that honors the growing family perfectly.